in the middle of my rope.

there are days,
like today,
where i hold on at the middle of my rope.
where sometimes i climb upupup
and sometimes i slip downdowndown.
and it happens at different points per day.

it's like

i waver between stress,
of school, of photos, of lack of sleep,
and joy,
at not having much school left to do, at how the photos turned out, at how much energy i have.

and it's

frustrating.
i want to float in the middle.
hold on for dear life,
until either i crash to the bottom

or

muster the strength to fly to the top.

really,

all i'm doing is hoping for the latter.
but

really,

i'm afraid to find out what happens when i do either.

the state of the music.

not too long ago,
the president gave the state of the union address.
and i was thinking...wouldn't it be fun to do a state of the music address (to all my adoring fans who want to know that kind of stuff, right).

so yeah. this is the state of my music at the moment.

Old favourites that are still playing:
Josh Groban (always), Five For Fighting (I really dig Slice, and need to buy it ASAP), Yiruma, Paramore, PotO, AIDA, Michael Buble, Coldplay (though, it's only lately that I've really gotten into them), Jon McLaughlin, Dario Marinelli, Hans Zimmer (the Inception score was so legit), Il Divo ;) Swimming With Dolphins, etc.

New Favourites of the year:
Ray LaMantagne (he conveys an amazing amount of emotion in his songs), James Morrison, Boyce Avenue (their covers are the absolute best), Rosi Golan (my friend introduced me to her song "Come Around" and I've been playing it non-stop, along with "C'est L'amour"), Glee Cast (i feel kinda lame putting this on here, but it's mostly just the song Lea Michele does, because she's an amazing singer), Parachute, OneRepublic (I bought Waking Up on a whim and have not regretted it for one second. It's amazing both lyrically and musically), Mumford and Sons (At first, I didn't really like their music, but I watched their Grammy performance and was really impressed. "The Cave" is now playing all the time on my Grooveshark playlist), Jay Brannan, Michael Henry and Justin Robinett (So much love for these two. The piano in the covers they do is incredible. My current fave is "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room"), Michael Ball (Basically because of Les Mis, which brings me to...)

and the thing that has dominated my playlist so far is:
Les Miserables.
Ohmyword.
Like.
How did I not listen to this before?
It is just amazingness incarnate. The music, the lyricals, the singers, the everything. Just...GAH. So incredible. I could just go on and on and on and on and on. But I won't. I will spare you and just say that it is probably my new favourite musical (can something really overtake PotO?).
AND I'm probably going to see it at the end of March. YES.

and the thing that I currently do not like at all is:
Lady Gaga. She went past being "original" to just being creepy. she's a good singer, but her songs (especially the new one "Born This Way") are all kinda obnoxious.

And that...is the state of the music.
and I'm probably forgetting a lot but whatever.

Landscape.

I'm stuck in this sort of...
dilemma.
mostly it has to do with college and where to go and yeah.
but i feel like i shouldn't have to make that decision. not at 16,
not at 17.
it seems like such an adult decision.
and yet,
here i am.
this summer,
i'll have to start applying.
and i don't know.
do i want to go far away
do i want to stay close
where?
and it's confusing,
because sometimes i want to go
and sometimes i want to stay.
sometimes i want it simple,
sometimes...
i just want something newnewnew.