Reasons why I'll be Forever Alone.

1. Josh Groban

1(b). David Tennant

3. I like sleeping too much.

4. I can't cook (and I don't really want to).

5. I'm lazy.

6. I'm already in a devoted relationship with my camera. It's a lot of work, and I'm not sure I could handle another.

7. I never want to have my blood drawn if I can help it.

8. I want to become a hermit and live in Italy.

*edit

9. I'll never be half so cute as the people who get their photos taken by the photographers whose blogs I stalk read.

Ellie Goulding, among other things.

I feel like writing a post,

but I can't possibly think what to write about,

on a main topic anyway.

So I'm just going to write it out.

One,

Ellie Goulding is my new favourite.

She's amazing.

Lyrics, music, voice.

All of it.

I'm not really a big fan of girl singers, I'm not really sure why, I just don't...But I LOVE her.

 Two,

One of my friend's little sisters is in the hospital

because her appendix burst and she got an infection,

 if you could pray for her,

that would be great! 

Three,

it's festival weekend at my church.

Which means sore feet, Slovak food&dancing&people, and lots of people. And exhaustion.

Four,

this guy from the Brooks Institute called me.

He sounded like the same guy who called me before,

but he had a different name. Awkward.

Five,

I'm tiredtiredtired. And my sleep has been TERRIBLE lately.

Six,

I'm reading "Three Philosophies of Life" By Peter Kreeft and it's really good. Like, really, really.

Seven.

Good night.

From Peter Kreeft's book "Three Philosophies of Life"

"Perhaps 'civilization' is so unwise because nothing is ever enough for it. The old hermit had stayed in one place, physically, and spiritually, and explored it's depths; civilization, meanwhile, had moved restlessly on, skimming over the surface of the great deeps. While civilization was reading the Times, he was reading the eternities."

I'm having one of those stretches

Where you have this great idea to write about stuck up in your head and you want to get it out but every time you try to write it out, it just all seems wrong and not how you thought it and not how it's supposed to sound and it just gets frustrating and exhausting and you want to say what you mean in the best way possible and that's just not the best way possible and your back hurts from sitting and your eyes hurt from staring at your computer screen waiting for the right words to come and your right hand hurts from being the same position as you scroll up and down your facebook page, not really looking at anything that anyone is even saying cause it doesn't really matter much to you at the moment and it just makes you want to say why did i even think this was a good idea, this writing, it's not even good or worth it or that well thought out, it's just stressful and annoying

and I'm going to go melt my mind by watching six hours of TV.

(not really. I'm just gonna read something by someone who can actually write)

In which I think out loud

Some times,

I wonder.

There is so much beauty in the world,

how can you be sad,

angry,

unhappy?

How?

When you can hear the wind,

and breathe the air,

and smell flowers,

and see the sky,

and feel rain?

When you can hear music,

and people laugh,

and feel the sunshine on your face?

When you can see babies smile,

and feel the warmth of another person,

and talk for hours about nothing

with someone you love?

And in the same breath,

I know you can.

Because I've felt it,

and seen it,

and held it in my own heart.

Pain that digs a hole in your stomach

and eats you whole.

And you don't know why.

I'm not sure why.

I think it's when we lose sight of all the beautiful things in our life,

the things that make us feel most alive.

When we try and find more,

when really all we need is sitting right in front of us.

On Sharing Happiness (Part1)

When you're happy,

you want to share it, right?

You want to go out

and give it away.

Give away your joy.

To other people.

When you're happy,

(much like when you're miserable)

you want other people to be happy.

Because who can refuse happiness?

Who can deny joy?

Who wants to be unhappy?

I'm looking into sharing my happiness.

But I think I'll need some help.

 

facade

(I wrote this a while ago, and saw it in my drafts. I think it has some good thoughts going on, though it seems a little bit jumbled)

we live behind a curtain.
we clean, and we talk, and we smile, and we laugh,
outside our curtain.
outside our safety blanket.
but when we enter,
we spite, and we yell, and we cry, and we gossip,
letting the ugly truth of who we are show.
we let the truth hang around behind that curtain,
and we hide true feelings,
ugly feelings,
unkind,
unjust feelings,
and we let them
build up behind our curtain.
and our curtain is safe and secure,
our one place to be who we truly are.
and not a lot of people see us,
they don't see the reality of who we are.
and we live with this all right.
because in this world,
we are afraid to show our truth,
because of what might happen.
because we've built up this world of judgment and lies,
so we hide behind our curtains of safety,
showing everyone the accepted side,
the clean side,
the fashionable side,
the ladylike side,
the safe side.
we are conformed to lying about who we are.
how we live.
how we act.
and we resort to hiding behind this safe curtain.
letting everyone believe what they might.
because who knows what might happen if we let everyone see the truth?
they might disapprove.
but they might give forgiveness, hope, and love,
because everyone else has a curtain too.

Changing Colours

I feel bad for people who contact me.

Because I'll look at the email/text/FB message

and think "I'm doing something else right now,

I'll reply in just a bit.

Just a little later."

But do I reply later?

No.

I forget, 

it slips my mind.

Because I'm doing something

that is probably not as important

as the people who are contacting me.

I feel very selfish,

when I think about it.

And I'm quite determined to change my

lousy habits.

I stopped biting my nails,

so this should be my new habit-change.

I should give people my attention,

because mostly,

the things I'm doing aren't really that important.

People shouldn't wait,

things should.

"Our lives change, when our habits change." 

-Matthew Kelly